I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
