Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
