Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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