so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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