My hand turned me down
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
