out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
