Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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