After last night, I could never be a politician.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
