I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
