We won't sleep together?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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