mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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