Who did Billy Mays play for?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
