You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
