Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
