i think my mom watched the whole time
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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