her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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