i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
