The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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