it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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