i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
