I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
