3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
