Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
