The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize