So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
