matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.