alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™