His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃