I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
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I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you