I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
