Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I hate all girls vehemently.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?

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(352): View more from Florida

He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.

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(317): View more from Indiana

when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete

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(406): View more from Montana

Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight

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(410): View more from Maryland

Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.

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(631): View more from New York

I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it

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