....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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