whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
