im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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