New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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