We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
