dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
