She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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