theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
