Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
