I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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