We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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