Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
