Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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