If that was your dad, he is hot
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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