He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize