It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
