so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
