A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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