and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
