Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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