Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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