i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
