I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
