all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
