Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
