Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I stole a fireplace last night.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
