my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
