its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
worst night to have a conscience
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
