worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
