So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
