90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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