My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
