I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
