He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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