You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
