Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
