Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
